Thursday, April 2, 2009

The real deal

I think we can all stand to gain something from Native American spirituality. I guess any kind of spirituality does a human good. Whether you believe in a higher being or not. Being in touch with yourself and your soul in a sense, that's something that really contributes to who you are and in the end, to the world.

In Arizona I was able to experience a sweat lodge. And I remember being annoyed right before we did the sweat when I was speaking to my mother and told her about the itinerary and she replied with, "you don't even belief in that stuff, you're not spiritual." And the truth is I'm not. I'm not in touch with myself or with God. I feel estranged. And this estrangement has been by choice. Until I can change my selfish ways and be truly grateful, then I guess I can be spiritual. But I'm on a spiritual journey. I'm trying to get there anyway. That's kind of why I need a week of isolation. To think about why I'm so damn angry all the time.

Anyway during the sweat I prayed for everyone I know and even those I don't know as I'm accustomed to doing. And I prayed for forgiveness and for guidance on this spiritual journey. But I also prayed for a solution to the situation. I specifically prayed for the DREAM. And I can't honestly evaluate how honest that prayer was. In the moment I felt like it was part of the "show" kind of a "go-along" thing. Everyone else was praying, so I did too. I've never prayed aloud, but I guess I felt the need to. But now I can say that it was real. That it is real. That prayer exists everyday since then and it's real.

After the sweat on Tuesday the 24th of March, with no access to a newspaper or television or cellphone, I heard the news on Friday. The DREAM ACT was introduced on the 26th. An I thought, "This is it." I didn't necessarily think "My prayers are answered." But I thought "Boom! This is it. This is our chance." This is God's way of saying, "here's to you kid." Although it's extremely early and it will be a difficult journey, I have faith. I want to. And I am trying my best to. Yeah, it's early, yeah the economy sucks and people might fear that giving us residency will essentially be giving away good jobs. But like I told a friend, and for once I'm being totally naive and unrealistic, faith has cured cancer (all those people who touch the pope and then come clean???). We need faith. Go ahead laugh. Bash me. Whatever. I didn't think Obama'd win. (If Bush stole the election twice, why couldn't McCain do it?)Go figure.


  1. I read your other post too, sounds like an intense experience. I have always wanted to go to explore AZ and the southwest and I definitely want to learn more about NA history, we get so little of it in school, we have to search for it. I guess I feel some sort of connection too, maybe because I share that feeling of displacement.

    How did you end up going to that reservation? (if you don't mind me asking)Thanks for the prayer =)

  2. im glad youre back safe. we missed u at home